Crush

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College Sweethearts reunite as they find themselves on opposite sides of a competition that will save one and ruin the other.

“Crush”:

1. Verb: to distort, destroy, or compress forcefully.

2. Noun: an intense infatuation for someone who is unattainable. 

They walked along the west edge of campus in the amethystine twilight of early summer. The end of one more precious day together and one day closer to their forced parting. 

“I’ll be back by June 1st,” Diana said trying not to make it sound exactly what it was, a year away.  Her voice held an edge of desperation, and she spoke too fast.  “But, I’ll make it back home before then. I should be back for Christmas. I just need to watch my expenses to make sure I can afford the plane ticket home. And you can come to visit. Philadelphia will be so fun! We can take the train to New York. I’ve always wanted to see New York City, the Statue of Liberty and Wall Street, walk along Rockefeller Center. We could even go ice skating…” 

She had been so excited about the thought of the ten-month fellowship to Wharton that it had taken her possibly longer than it should have to notice that once Logan told her how proud he was that he hadn’t said much of anything else. She wasn’t used to dominating the conversation. In fact, she wasn’t comfortable with leading a conversation, especially the one they were having right now.

Logan just smiled a tight-lipped smile that looked more tense than happy.

Stopping, she asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said, but he was looking past her, noticing the purple sky. 

Before she could protest that she knew he wasn’t “fine” for the mere fact that he hadn’t taken her hand in his and had yet to make eye contact, he added, “I just don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?” she asked as cold dread started creeping along her skin. In the three months they’d been together, they’d never had a conversation that felt so strained and uncomfortable. Was he worried about missing her? She’d miss him like she’d miss an appendage, but they’d call. Heck, maybe they’d even write. Their relationship was strong enough to handle this. He loved her. Many times told her so, and she’d told him that she loved him. And she’d meant it with every cell in her body.

“What if you don’t come back?” he asked.

She didn’t even let his words sink in because that potential reality wasn’t her reality. Not come back? He was talking crazy.

“I’ll be back exactly ten months after I leave. No way would I stay on the East Coast. Not with you waiting here for me. Not with what we have.”

These were the words that brought the greatest reaction from him. He scowled. It was an ugly expression she’d never seen on his handsome face, and never wanted to see again. Did he not believe her? Did he think she was choosing Wharton over him? If he didn’t want her to go, she wouldn’t go. It was just that simple.

“Logan? I don’t understand. If you don’t want me to go, I won’t go.”

“For Christ’s sake, you are taking the damn fellowship. It is a fantastic opportunity, which you deserve. No way are you missing it.”

“Then, what is wrong? Why are you so upset?”

He shook his head and finally met her eyes. “You’re leaving. There isn’t some sappy love story with one of us waiting for the other person to return. Our lives will change, but we will move on.”

“I don’t understand. Two hours ago we were talking about our future, and now it sounds like you’re saying you aren’t going to wait for me to come back from Wharton.” As she heard her own words, the chill that crept along her skin led to full on shaking. She was standing in the warm evening air, shaking like a leaf from the worst fear she’d known realized.

“Haven’t we had a good time?” he asked, looking both sad and resigned.

“We’ve had a great time, the best time,” she replied emphasizing the words.

“I’ve never felt this way before. I’ll never forget you, Diana.”

“Why would you want to?” she asked, her fear turning to anger. What was he talking about? They were perfect together. He was her best friend. You didn’t walk away from what they had. Having never come close with any other relationship in her life, she knew how precious their connection was.

“I have something to ask you, something important,” he said.

Her heart skipped a beat and struggled to right itself. Was he going to ask to marry her? This was the oddest proposal she could imagine but wasn’t that what could make it great? She knew he couldn’t let her go.

She had known that she loved him, the way you know hunger or pain, joy or elation. It hadn’t been a conscious thought, but an absolute knowing.

“What is your question?” she asked, trying to soften her tone. He knew how to push all her buttons. That fact had been crystal clear to both of them for the hours spent making love on the soft mattress in his one-room apartment.

“Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with me?” he asked, but held up his hand to stop her from speaking. “This is your opportunity to tell me exactly how you feel about me. I need you to be honest.”

She smiled, didn’t realize that she was crying until the tears ran wet trails along her hot cheeks. She’d loved him since the moment he’d smiled at her. He’d been the man she had waited for, longed for, dreamed of since she was a little girl.

“Do I see myself spending my life with you?” she repeated, nodding, “A thousand lifetimes…My answer is yes!”

She took a step toward him, and he took a step back. She didn’t understand. What was he moving away from her?

Then he uttered the words that would burn into her soul and never heal.

“And you see, that is the problem,” he said. It was as if telling her that he’d discovered why he didn’t like the taste of a particular herb or seasoning, which had just ruined a wonderful entree. 

“I don’t see myself spending my life with you…”